If You Can't Love Me...I will (Long Post)

Today I went to a cook out in Rhode Island with my wonderful RL family. I tried my best to act as if everything with me is okay the last month for me has been over stressful between RL and SL stuff I'll delve into with ones that want to hear it, my aunt asked me how things were and I burst into tears...

I hate crying in front of people but my aunt made me feel like it was okay to cry...to let MY stress and MY pain be known to the world. She let me know my feelings weren't irrelevant or stupid which is a refreshing thing to hear. 

I am sharing with you all...the fact that I am insecure in being myself both RL and SL

I come from a very strong family of women most being the matriarch of thier households holding thier heads up high, dominating the world with just a look to the competition and we had a nice talk its easier if I just list the strong points

• DON'T HIDE BEHIND YOUR PAIN

I've let past pain and hurt block my heart to anything and anyone that tries to help me fight through it. Anyone that reminds me of the past hurt gets blocked out with no second thought as to how and why this feeling emerges. The hurtful words, the mental abuse, hurt me the most since that's what I experienced the most in my childhood

• NEVER LET ANYONE TAKE WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY

So...I'll love something I've done so much...until someone says they don't. I LONG for acceptance or someone to say "Hey Lili...Good job" even if I myself know its a good job I talk myself into thinking that it sucks. I even caught myself doing it with my nails.

• SURROUND YOURSELF HOW YOU WANT TO LIVE

I want to live happy, open, productive and serene. I have to surround myself with that mind body and soul. I have to project that through what I eat, what I wear, where I live and who I know.

 

• TAKE BACK THE POWER YOU GIVE AWAY WHEN SOMEONE HURTS YOU

Every person I let hurt me has taken a part of me. When someone calls me a bitch it causes me to keep quiet to make them happy. When they say I am fat it causes me to not want to eat. When someone calls me worthless it makes me work less hard for my goals in life. By forgiving...I take back that part of me and move on with life

and most important and hardest for me

• STOP CARING WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU

My family has always loved and hated this quality in me. I strive to be the best I can be but when people tell me how I live my life is wrong I feel it...I feel it from my hair follicles on my head down to the paint on my toes and I let it slowly change me into a shell of a person.

    

If at least one person besides myself finds this posting helpful well...I guess you could say it gives a piece of me back.

I can't quite say I love who I've become...but I love who I WAS a few years ago and I have to find her again with minor improvements

Love Always

Lili

What I have on
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BODY
Skin: Al Vulo - Pollon Snuggle Milk old group gift
Shape: My Own Shape
Eyes: Mayfly - Deep Sky Eyes in Teal Hazel
Hair: Truth - Marcia in fairyfloss
Hairbase: Happy Face  - Eyebrow Shaper 3
Tattoo: Endless Pain - Kawaii 3 Kawaii Fair (over)
Piercing: Ivy - Yulivee
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MAKE UP
Blush: Dead Apples - Anime Face C
Lipstick: Glamorize - Center Of Attention Lips in Fashionably Pink
Eyeliner: Ni.Ji - Black Eyeliner A01
Eyeshadow: Chelle - Tropical in Pink/Purple
Teeth: Izzies - Teeth 3
Nails: TGIS - French Manicure
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CLOTHING
Top: Iren - Neck Holder Top in White
Bottom: F'N'Hawt - Pleat Skirt in Black, White & Pink
Boots: Ten 10 -  Katya Boots in White
Panties: Dark Midday Designs - Most Kissed See Through Panties
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ACCESSORIES
Bag: Glitchee - Bag Floppy (Music With Accessories)
Rock Candy: The Secret Hideout - Rock Candy in Strawberry
Necklace: Izzie's - Panda Necklace
Bracelet: Edge Grafica - 37 Bracelet in Silver/White
Furby: Razzberry Inc - Furbii in Pinky
Tails: Lemon Tea - Fluffy Tail in White
Ears: Wild Ears in White
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Inspiration

Wide Awake by Katy Perry